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Alright, so my girlfriend and I were planning to move in together sometime next month. We've been in a long distance relationship for over 2 years and have never met in person until now. She was in Oregon and me in California.

To make this easier for everyone, I kept advising her to tell her parents in advance so I can meet them beforehand. Unfortunately, they suddenly went berserk and decided to kick her out one random day at 3am after her mother failed to catfish me the night before. She was able to beg for extra time so they let her stay until evening that day. That day, her mother kept yelling and breaking her things (shattered phone as evidence) as well as spilling water on her boxes she had prepared to move out.

When she told me about this that morning, I immediately skipped work and went on a 17-ish hour long non-stop road trip to pick her up. She has just turned 18 last month and did not have a job so she would've probably ended up on the streets. She still had her laptop to talk to me so I was able to call her a taxi for a nearby Motel. With the money she had, she was only able to afford up to 2 nights there.

Anyway, I got there at 2am and we left to California the next morning. Now we're finding out that her mother tried messaging the phone she broke and accusing me of kidnapping her daughter. We know she's crazy so, for our safety, we refuse to disclose our location but she did take selfies, videos, and even called her over the phone to prove that she's fine. Even then, she filed a missing person report and we're being tracked down. They already found records of places we stayed and visited.

What can we do to dismiss such report? Does she just show up at a local police department telling them that she's fine and it was her own decision?

Her mother said the police also wanted to talk to me separately. I do not want to get involved in this at all. Can I reject it? Can we file chargers to her mother for being so abusive? Would I get in trouble for being in a relationship with her daughter since I was 20 and she was 16? We had never met in person until now, to avoid any trouble. She's short which makes her look a lot younger than she is. She did bring her Oregon driving permit and birth certificate as proof of her age.

Furthermore, I'm part of the DACA program so I fear this may put my work authorization at risk. I really love my fiancee and do not want to be separated from her...

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    I don't think you can "dismiss" the report, but since she is over 18 I don't suppose the police can do much beyond closing the report after they locate her. Perhaps she should call the police station where the report was filed to tell them that she is not in fact missing. They'll probably ask her some questions to assure themselves that she has gone with you of her own free will. But from an interpersonal point of view, the two of you might want to look for a ways to do this that will minimize the damage to the relationship with her mother.
    – phoog
    Commented Jun 25, 2018 at 14:53
  • Why did you share all that backstory? Age, place of residence and involved family would having sufficed. Anyways, while your timeline is very fine grained, i miss the broad strokes. Time passed between info of report and now? Between last contact (@home) and now, etc. If shes legally an adult, and no laws were broken, i see no problem in her clearing this up with local law enforcement on her own
    – bukwyrm
    Commented Jun 25, 2018 at 15:12
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    @bukwyrm There's more than just the missing persons report here, there's the accusation of kidnapping. The context is potentially relevant to defending against that claim. However, once the missing persons report is cleared up, that should take care of the kidnapping accusation as well. OP might not know that.
    – WBT
    Commented Jun 25, 2018 at 15:14
  • @bukwyrm Sorry, I'm a very verbose person. I figured providing more details would allow for more accurate answer. We don't have an exact date for the report, but we believe it was filed yesterday afternoon. Less than 24 hours from now.
    – Pkmmte
    Commented Jun 25, 2018 at 15:15
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    In light of current politics and policy, you personally should stay away from this matter unless you have an immigration attorney protecting your rights.
    – user6726
    Commented Jun 25, 2018 at 15:16

2 Answers 2

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What can we do to dismiss such report? Does she just show up at a local police department telling them that she's fine and it was her own decision?

In short, yes. She shows up at a local police station, tells her side of the story including the whole bit about things getting destroyed and her getting kicked out, cites the missing persons report, and make it clear that she's not missing but an independent adult who is free and making her own decisions. Since she's over 18, she can do that. (Bringing proof of age might be helpful.) The mystery of the missing person will be considered solved from the police side. She does not have to give a specific address where she's living, just convince the officer that she's OK and making an intentional decision to create distance between herself and her mother.

She could also try calling (the same local station which is convenient to her current location) before showing up to see if that satisfies the officer, and only go in if needed.

Would I get in trouble for being in a relationship with her daughter since I was 20 and she was 16? We had never met in person until now, to avoid any trouble.

Shouldn't be a problem, as long as it's a mutually willing (non-coercive) relationship.

Her mother said the police also wanted to talk to me separately. I do not want to get involved in this at all. Can I reject it?

Yes, you can reject it. You do not have to answer ANY question a police officer asks; you have the right to remain silent and/or to say only "I have the right to remain silent." To reduce the probability that they'll even ask questions, you might prefer not accompanying your girlfriend when she goes to clear the missing persons report, if she goes in-person. This adds more weight to her assertion that she's going there to clear it of her own free will, not because you're forcing her.

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    18 years and 1 day is over 18, for the purposes of being legally an adult. It might be good to hand over photos of the broken phone and other damaged property, but not the phone itself, as the phone's memory could still be searched, and that's not necessary. If they don't believe that she's gone on her own free will, they could request more evidence for the assertions she's using to support that conclusion, but if she appears strong, healthy, confident, convincing, and glad to be away from a bad situation with her mother, they'll probably just leave it at that, missing persons case closed.
    – WBT
    Commented Jun 25, 2018 at 15:21
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    Couldn't the boyfriend's presence support rather than dispel suspicion that he is coercing the girlfriend? Of course the demeanor of the two people should be more significant than the fact of his presence or absence, but I would suppose that a coercive boyfriend would want to make sure that the girlfriend says what she's supposed to.
    – phoog
    Commented Jun 25, 2018 at 15:53
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    @phoog That's my point: the boyfriend's absence would seem more likely to help dispel suspicion of coercion. I agree that demeanor would be important if present, but especially with the DACA issue just skipping that appointment seems reasonable.
    – WBT
    Commented Jun 25, 2018 at 18:13
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    @SJuan76 "police may want to talk to him and check his identity." In Trumpmerica, that could mean deportation for OP, depending on the mood of the officer. Hence the value of OP taking the 5th (remaining silent, not answering questions) or better yet, just staying out of the conversation altogether if the girlfriend can satisfy officers that she's making a free decision by herself.
    – WBT
    Commented Jun 25, 2018 at 23:28
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    So, we did as was recommended. She showed up at a local police station while I drove some place nearby in the meantime. The whole situation went a lot more smoothly than expected. The cops were chill and understanding of her situation. They did ask for her driving permit and birth certificate as proof. It took about an hour, but they were able to successfully contact the investigator where this was filed and put a stop to it. We also got a document to show as proof in case we're ever stopped because of it. Thank you!
    – Pkmmte
    Commented Jun 26, 2018 at 19:54
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Legal answer: Do not go to the police without talking to a lawyer first. Get an immigration lawyer to walk you through your options without jeopardizing your status. If her parents are reporting you for rape or who knows what, you could be in for a world of trouble.

Nonlegal answer: This sounds like a bad scene all around. You are not actually in love and should get out before it's too late.

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    "You are not actually in love" You have no basis for that assertion.
    – WBT
    Commented Jun 25, 2018 at 14:59
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    Like what? OP describes evidence that he cares a lot about her and is willing to self-sacrifice a nontrivial amount on no notice to care for her, after having spent years dedicating time and energy in relationship with this person.
    – WBT
    Commented Jun 25, 2018 at 15:08
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    I have to agree with WBT here, although I would note that "do not go to the police without talking to a lawyer first" is good advice. The last paragraph detracts from that, however.
    – phoog
    Commented Jun 25, 2018 at 15:55
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    A prudent counselor would offer advice in the form that most encourages its being followed. Telling someone that you know better than he what he holds in his heart is confrontational and most likely counterproductive.
    – phoog
    Commented Jun 25, 2018 at 16:34
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    "You are not actually in love and should get out before it's too late." - the entire paragraph is off-topic and unhelpful and doesn't answer the question, and this sentence in particular is very rude.
    – user4657
    Commented Jun 26, 2018 at 8:22

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