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It was November 2016. We were on a high school graduation camping trip. Myself, my girlfriend of almost 3 years and about 10 of my best mates drove 4 hours north to camp on a friend's family's property. Half of us had tents and the other half had cars and a little shack on the property.

I brought a tent built for 4 people which had two separate sleeping areas and a space in the middle. Myself and my girlfriend stayed in one half and my best mate, S, slept in the other half, since he was only staying for 2 nights out of the whole week (he went overseas with family).

We arrived on the Sunday. We were tired from the trip so that night was pretty uneventful. The next day, some friends (3 or 4) who lived nearby joined us for the day. We woke up early (about 6am) since it was summer in Australia and it was already 25C by then. We were pretty bored and eager to drink and party since that's what we were there for so we started drinking early, around 11am.

I was among the most enthusiastic of us to drink. By 1pm, my head was spinning and I was in the I-just-want-to-lay-down-and-pass-out stage. I laid down in a tent that belonged to another friend, T, to do this. About 20 minutes after doing this, S came to the tent. He picked me up and put me in my own tent, on my air mattress. He left after doing this and then my girlfriend entered the tent.

Later I learned that my girlfriend had requested S to do this because she wanted to have sex with me. She came into the tent and proposed her plans. While laying there, I said 'no' and that I 'just want to sleep'. I distinctly remember this verbal communication. She ignored this and proceeded with her plans. She took my pants off easily by virtue of me wearing a belt and began having sex while I laid there and let it happen.

She herself had a little bit to drink but she was a light drinker. She was about 60kg and had 2 or 3 standard drinks. I was 50kg and would have had at least 5 standard drinks.

In having sex with me, she wasn't very rhythmic of coordinated. This annoyed me so I decided to take over, since I always took the lead in sex. We were 17 and had been having sex for a year. I told her to lay down and started reciprocating sex. We finished and both joined our friends again, the activity of sex having removed my desire to sleep.

My question is, while this was certainly a horrible thing for my girlfriend to do, was it rape? Sexual assault? Just a hurtful action? It happened a while ago and haven't thought much of it since. We broke up a month after this for unrelated reasons (she went on high-school exchange overseas). I don't think I'd pursue legal repercussions for this if it were a crime and I'd definitely consult an expert if I were to do so.

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    Could you pare this down to a statement of the facts that inform the question? Stack Exchange deals in Questions and Answers; not Rambling Stories, Questions, and Answers. (E.g., you should take the tour.) – feetwet Apr 30 '18 at 20:15
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    The close vote as a request for legal advice is puzzling. Where is the request for legal advice? All I see is a bunch of facts and a request to say whether the acts described constitute rape or something else. – phoog May 1 '18 at 6:12
  • This document from the Australian Institute of Family Studies will be able to help you on Australian law. Every jurisdiction in Australia has its own legislation for sexual offences. – Chris Rogers May 26 '18 at 15:00
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tl;dr No, but she may have sexually assaulted you.

The relevant law here is the Crimes Act 1958, and section 40.

The act for the crime of rape is:

  • A sexually penetrating B

The act for the crime of sexual assault is instead:

  • A intentionally touching B and the touching being sexual

In both cases the mental state required is:

  • B not consenting and
  • A not reasonably believing that B consents

Based on your account of facts, that is:

  • You said "no"
  • Your girlfriend continued to engage in sexual intercourse with you despite this

Your girlfriend sexually assaulted you. Note that this carries a lower maximum sentence than rape.

Intoxication is not relevant if it was self-induced; if it was not self-induced then it is.

  • The maximum sentence for rape is not really relevant here. It is would apply to (eg) anally gang-raping. I would like to believe that the actual sentence for this sexual assault would be the same as if the roles where reversed (when it would be rape). I would like to believe that, but I am not optimistic. – Martin Bonner supports Monica Feb 28 at 14:25
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    @MartinBonner not sure what your comment adds, since the mention of the maximum sentence was in passing and not really relevant to the characterisation of the criminal act. – jimsug Feb 28 at 20:18

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