the ratio of divorced men paying the ex wife versus divorced women
paying the ex husband should more or less reflect the ratio of
employed men vs. employed women
Not necessarily. Some states (NC for example) look at more than just the work scenario that you propose. From § 50-16.3A:
(1) The marital misconduct of either of the spouses. Nothing
herein shall prevent a court from considering incidents of post
date-of-separation marital misconduct as corroborating evidence
supporting other evidence that marital misconduct occurred during the
marriage and prior to date of separation;
(2) The relative earnings and earning capacities of the
spouses;
(3) The ages and the physical, mental, and emotional conditions
of the spouses;
(4) The amount and sources of earned and unearned income of
both spouses, including, but not limited to, earnings, dividends, and
benefits such as medical, retirement, insurance, social security, or
others;
(5) The duration of the marriage;
(6) The contribution by one spouse to the education, training,
or increased earning power of the other spouse;
(7) The extent to which the earning power, expenses, or
financial obligations of a spouse will be affected by reason of
serving as the custodian of a minor child;
(8) The standard of living of the spouses established during
the marriage;
(9) The relative education of the spouses and the time
necessary to acquire sufficient education or training to enable the
spouse seeking alimony to find employment to meet his or her
reasonable economic needs;
(10) The relative assets and liabilities of the spouses and the
relative debt service requirements of the spouses, including legal
obligations of support;
(11) The property brought to the marriage by either spouse;
(12) The contribution of a spouse as homemaker;
(13) The relative needs of the spouses;
(14) The federal, State, and local tax ramifications of the
alimony award;
(15) Any other factor relating to the economic circumstances of
the parties that the court finds to be just and proper.
(16) The fact that income received by either party was previously
considered by the court in determining the value of a marital or
divisible asset in an equitable distribution of the parties' marital
or divisible property.
Take a look at § 50-16.1A also, where they define Marital Misconduct. Some may be of the opinion that alimony in NC is partly about punishment.
(3) "Marital misconduct" means any of the following acts that
occur during the marriage and prior to or on the date of separation:
a. Illicit sexual behavior. For the purpose of this section,
illicit sexual behavior means acts of sexual or deviate sexual
intercourse, deviate sexual acts, or sexual acts defined in G.S.
14-27.1(4), voluntarily engaged in by a spouse with someone other than
the other spouse;
b. Involuntary separation of the spouses in consequence of a
criminal act committed prior to the proceeding in which alimony is
sought;
c. Abandonment of the other spouse;
d. Malicious turning out-of-doors of the other spouse;
e. Cruel or barbarous treatment endangering the life of the
other spouse;
f. Indignities rendering the condition of the other spouse
intolerable and life burdensome;
g. Reckless spending of the income of either party, or the
destruction, waste, diversion, or concealment of assets;
h. Excessive use of alcohol or drugs so as to render the
condition of the other spouse intolerable and life burdensome;
i. Willful failure to provide necessary subsistence according
to one's means and condition so as to render the condition of the
other spouse intolerable and life burdensome.