We are in Germany. Both of us, and also our baby (2 months old) are the citizen of another (EU) country.

Recently she became very crazy, and I don't know, what to do.

  1. She does not eat. The case is serious, she lost about ten kg in the last weeks.
  2. She is very agressive, (unfairly) critical about everything.
  3. She continously threats me by divorce, without specifying a reason.

I think, she might have post-natal depression, caused by that she can not sleep more than 4 hours at once since months. As our baby grows, this problem would probably solve itself, but how to avoid until that, she does some irrecoverable?

I am thinking on things like these:

  1. She might harm the baby.
  2. She might get self-harming or more bad.
  3. She might simply pack and go back to home.
  4. She can also file for divorce, either by Germany or by home (if she does it, she will probably first go home, and then file for divorce there).

I am thinking on, that I could call some "Jugendschutz"-thing (state agency for youth protection). However, if I do that, they will either take away our baby, or they will do nothing. In both cases, my wife will likely divorce me.

Until our baby will be able to sleep 8 hours at night, it would take at least months. My family probably won't survive that.

What to do?

  • While pregnant, she has already threaten me by abortion, because I did not call her for a weekend (we did not live together yet).
    – Gray Sheep
    Jan 2 '20 at 18:09
  • This might be more appropriate on Parenting. Certainly search there for similar questions and answers.
    – mkennedy
    Jan 2 '20 at 18:31
  • 3
    I know you are in a difficult situation, but I'm voting to close this question as off-topic. Talk to your physician: they will know how to tackle this as a medical problem, and if your wife presents a threat to herself or the baby then they are the people who will be needed to trigger further action. Good luck and stay strong. Jan 2 '20 at 18:58
  • 1
    Legal help is not really what you seem to need (and this site is not the right place for this anyway). You do not just divorce out of a whim. If your description is accurate, your wife needs immediate psychiatric help. To get help on how to proceed, I suggest calling 116117. They should at least be able to tell you how you can proceed or whom to call.
    – Wrzlprmft
    Jan 2 '20 at 19:23
  • 2
    Finally, you seem overly pessimistic about state youth protection (“they will either take away our baby, or they will do nothing”). They can support you on several levels and taking away a child from their parents is a last resort for them (in fact, they are more often criticised of not having done this in some extreme cases). However, they are probably not the ones to go for the kind of immediate help you need.
    – Wrzlprmft
    Jan 2 '20 at 19:24

Before calling Jugendschutz, call your wife's primary care physician or pediatrician (baby's doctor) and tell them what's happening. The pediatrician in particular should have contacts to support groups, etc. The doctor may also decide that she needs to go on medication.

If she's breastfeeding, ask her to stop and go to formula. Either of you can prep the overnight bottles in the evening so it's faster. You take the middle of night feedings for a while.

If she doesn't want to stop, see if she can pump extra during the day so that you can bottle feed overnight. This is to try to allow her to sleep longer. I don't know if it will work. We used formula with our twins and it made things a lot easier for us. Did they have more illnesses? Maybe. But only one or two compared to friends' kids who were breastfed.

  • Asking her to do anything differently is chanceless, she does not keep my suggestions. (For example, also I could bottle-feed and care our baby in the night, so she could sleep - but she simply does not allow that for me).
    – Gray Sheep
    Jan 2 '20 at 18:52
  • If I call the Doctor (for example, today we had a meeting with a doctor - underways, she simply turned back and said that she will divorce me, because the elevator did not work in the underground tunnel. So we missed the doctor). So, if I call the doctor and explain it to him, he will surely call the Jugendschutz and our family won't survive it.
    – Gray Sheep
    Jan 2 '20 at 18:54
  • I could also call our Hebamme (they are state-assigned baby care advisors), but also that will cause likely divorce. If we divorce, she will surely suddenly become pretty normal, and she will take away our baby form me.
    – Gray Sheep
    Jan 2 '20 at 18:57
  • Start taking notes whenever she threatens you or the baby, refuses to see a doctor, acts irrationally. If she does sue for divorce, you can use those facts to ask for partial or full custody of the baby. Your family can't go on like this. I'm not advocating for divorce, but...
    – mkennedy
    Jan 2 '20 at 19:03
  • I do it long ago. But: 1) I have no proof, just my notes 2) In this country (both in Germany and home), divorce goes on a way that practically always the woman gets the child. Particularly a so young one. (She knows it and uses this to further terrorize me.)
    – Gray Sheep
    Jan 2 '20 at 20:00

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